Bankrupt [Fic]
Mar. 27th, 2016 12:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hostile_experienceElenore is supposed to be in the apartment that she's supposed to be sharing with the man who saved her. The man who's had to deal with the weird shifts in her since the day when she lost almost everything. The man who won't tell her the distance and coldness she's fallen to on and off wound him. She knows, though. Knows without about being able to fix it. Most days feel like there's a block of ice in her chest. No, that's not right. Like the flesh has been replaced with a mechanical pump that keeps her alive but is utterly disconnected from emotion. Remembering to breath took most of her energy in the small collection of rooms they could afford mostly on his savings and what he made at the school. She was too literally bankrupt to help.
Except when she did things where she wasn't suppose to be. Like tonight.
To be fair, he's not where he's supposed to be. It had been slow. Going back to work teaching more of the time. Then stringing some nights together because it was a long ride back to the city. Some nights became everything but the weekends. Now, she's pretty sure he'd call before showing up. Like he hasn't kept her alive. Like she doesn't still love him more than anything. And it's a shameful relief. Because she loves him and hurts him and she thinks what she's going to end up doing would only hurt him more. Because he's a hero. Because he's a good man. Because she doesn't care what side she's on anymore.
And her hands are bloody. Literally. Rebuilding the broken body of a man who has been party terrible acts of violence because he has money and resources she no longer does. It's not better that she rebuilds him with a killswitch that she intends to use at some point. It's not better that the worst of what she's done so far has been saving the lives of horrible people. It simply is what she does to make sure the next time she bothers with a grocery run, it won't be on his card, and that she can cover rent and utilities for the apartment she isn't sharing with the man she still loves. So he won't be blamed for what she's going to do.
Except when she did things where she wasn't suppose to be. Like tonight.
To be fair, he's not where he's supposed to be. It had been slow. Going back to work teaching more of the time. Then stringing some nights together because it was a long ride back to the city. Some nights became everything but the weekends. Now, she's pretty sure he'd call before showing up. Like he hasn't kept her alive. Like she doesn't still love him more than anything. And it's a shameful relief. Because she loves him and hurts him and she thinks what she's going to end up doing would only hurt him more. Because he's a hero. Because he's a good man. Because she doesn't care what side she's on anymore.
And her hands are bloody. Literally. Rebuilding the broken body of a man who has been party terrible acts of violence because he has money and resources she no longer does. It's not better that she rebuilds him with a killswitch that she intends to use at some point. It's not better that the worst of what she's done so far has been saving the lives of horrible people. It simply is what she does to make sure the next time she bothers with a grocery run, it won't be on his card, and that she can cover rent and utilities for the apartment she isn't sharing with the man she still loves. So he won't be blamed for what she's going to do.
OOC
Date: 2016-03-27 06:35 pm (UTC)OOC
Date: 2016-03-27 07:48 pm (UTC)Seriously though, a couple of weeks of poking her in my head, and nothing. One tag from Jono saying they weren't living together and she's off running!